Introverted Moms Are Not Energizer Bunnies
When I became a mother no one really explained the hard parts of motherhood to me. Mom mode, mom hustle, mom life, mom boss, as we all call the complexities from season to season something catchy. I had no idea that doing things alone would be rare. I had no idea how tired I would be from being a mom. There were only a few people who quietly, sneakily warned me, but I shrugged them off. I mean how hard could it be I thought. Now that I am almost 6 years into motherhood, without a doubt, being a mom is the hardest job I’ve ever had. I feel like I’m always in mom mode. From the moment I found out I was pregnant God flipped me into “mom mode” and I’ve never flipped off since. It reminds me of the energizer bunny commercials. Our culture expects moms to be the energizer bunny in human form! I don’t know about you, but I used to run out of battery life daily. Moms are not the energizer bunny with unending battery life. When moms run out of energy we are not able to operate at our fullest potential. That being said, everyone has different energy needs. Some moms out there are super extroverted. Their energy grows from socializing, loud noise and lots of hands on activities. Then there are introverted moms who only have a finite amount of energy in their tank. That energy gets depleted easily and has to be replenished almost daily so that they can operate. Introverted moms can’t be that self-actualized mom when they constantly feel depleted of energy and emotions.
A Light-bulb Moment
I had a light bulb moment recently. I was working in the quiet dark of the wee morning hours and I felt so fulfilled. It was a sweet, sweet, moment of solitude. Nothing but silence surrounded me. I was productive. It was re-energizing. I went from my quiet work time to our home gym (alone) and I completely crushed my workout. It felt so damn good. In fact, the whole rest of my day was productive. Yes, I was tired when my head finally hit my pillow that night, but it wasn’t an overwhelming type of tired. It wasn’t the type of tiredness that makes you want to go to bed at 4pm just to end the chaos. It wasn’t the kind of tiredness that makes a mom want to send herself to her room on occasion. That day I was full of energy and managed to have little to no distractions. I was laying there in bed trying to figure out what I did right to feel this great sense of satisfaction. I reached over to turn off the bedside light and wham — a light bulb went off. The key to my good day was solitude. It makes total sense because I really treasure the few hours I have alone in the mornings. The quietness allows my brain to unwind from all the noise and the chaos of being a mom. I am my best self when solitude is built into my day.
At first, I felt like the fact that I need solitude to feel fulfilled was kind of a weird thing. To be honest I used to feel mom guilt when wanting to be alone. This made me realize the importance of teaching my kids to independently play on a daily basis. This technique has given me the time to self-reflect and stay centered. Leading to the mom my kids need and enjoy. The more I talked about my need for a little solitude with my family the more I realized that this need for alone time to recharge myself was actually embedded in my personality. And then wham — another light bulb — I am an introverted mom. There’s no denying it. My personality leans heavily towards introversion, and unlike a light bulb, being an introverted mom is not something I can simply turn on and off. It’s just part of my identity. It’s something I have to hone and honor.
What Is An Introverted Mom?
For starters, comparing an introverted mom and an extroverted mom is like comparing an apple to an orange. One is not better or worse than the other. It’s just different. The interesting thing is that most moms fall somewhere in the middle of being introverted and extroverted. An introverted mom is an internal processor. She likes to spend time on self reflection and often uses a journal to filter through her thoughts and process events. She loves her family and closest friends fiercely and will work tirelessly to defend them. These deep meaningful relationships are what motivates her. An introverted mom needs solitude and quiet time daily because noise, and movement can overstimulate an introverted mom and she gets overwhelmed. This may be surprising, however, introverted moms like to socialize. In fact they desire socialization so that they don’t feel isolated. Unlike extroverts, who use social situations to build their energy, introverted moms spend lots of energy in social situations and often feel depleted once they are over. After they spend energy socializing, introverted moms need time and space away from others to feel revived. They need quietness and stillness to reflect on their thoughts and feelings about the play date or birthday party.
Honor that you are an introverted mom
I want to honor the fact that I am an introverted mom. I’ll have to hone in on my “sweet spot” as bestselling author of Quiet, Susan Cain, calls it. She says “the sweet spot is the place in which you are optimally stimulated.” This simply means that you are constantly resetting yourself so that you are neither overstimulated (causing anxiety) or under stimulated (bored) in any given circumstance. The more time you spend in your sweet spot the more balanced you’ll feel emotionally. Just imagine if you knew you were an introverted mom before you had kids you could set up the rest of your life to accommodate for your introverted self. For example, if I had realized that my happiness and productivity would depend on having dedicated moments of solitude on a daily basis I might have chosen to buy a different house. I probably would have shopped for a house with a bonus room or even little nooks and crannies where someone can quietly sit and reflect alone. I am blessed beyond measure for my homestead, but in a dream world I would choose different features to suit my personality. Awareness of your sweet spot is empowering because it can unlock satisfaction in all dimensions of your life. I know that if I don’t honor that I am an introverted mom, I won't be able to be the best version of myself.
Introverted Mom — Jamie Martin
I know I am not alone in my introverted mom struggles. Jamie Martin divulges beautifully raw stories of how introversion affects her own mothering in her book, Introverted Mom: Your Guide To More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy. The stories Jamie shares are touching and relatable. I certainly connected with many of the stories and examples she shares throughout the book. I’m guessing there are many introverted moms out there who may not yet realize they are introverted. I really didn’t tap into this realization for myself until recently even though I would consider myself to be very self aware. Now that I think about it, many of my struggles in motherhood can be linked back to my introversion. Jamie has a short quiz you can take. Some of the questions actually made me laugh out loud because the examples are so exactly me that it’s funny. Jamie writes more in depth about the effects introversion has on mothering in her introvert mom blog. If you find yourself identifying strongly as an introverted mom you should definitely check out her book. If you find yourself having introverted mom struggles you can connect with me as a fellow introvert as I’m a globally recognized mom coach. Everything I implement, I believe in challenging moms to be confident, I believe in support, I believe self-worth in motherhood is a must! Either way, if you identify as an introverted mom I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this world. In fact your temperament and your steadfast loyalty is needed now more than ever.
About the Author
Kelly Hater, owner of Mama Bear Domain, has over 15 years of coaching experience along with a B.S. in Health Promotion specialized in Exercise Science.
She specializes in helping clients overcome mom burnout, providing a clear, decisive plan that leads her clients on a path of success. Her clients no longer let mom guilt steal their identity and goals. Moms deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life. She personally has overcome overwhelming struggles herself. Get the accountability needed to take action. As a mom of two she gets it. Get your E-Book Mom, Open Your Eyes to Self-Awareness.
You can work one on one with Kelly!!! What are you waiting for?