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The Ebb and Flow of Motherhood

Have you ever been so involved in something that you lost track of time? Don’t you love it when your focus is spot on, you’re feeling the groove, getting things done, and are on point? I know I do as a busy mom and mom coach.

So, why don’t we have days like that all the time? Why do we constantly feel like we’re juggling too many things, and just trying to stay afloat? I have lost my mojo too before.

Let’s look at what’s happening. First we’ll focus on your day-to-day life and identify habits that help get you into the ebb and flow of motherhood so you can live in that happy and productive place. Next, we’ll isolate those pesky habits that are totally worth kicking to the curb, because let’s face it, they aren’t serving you or your family well.

Think about the last time when you felt like you were in the zone. Everything fell into place, you were getting more done than usual, and you barely stressed about what needed to get done.

Ask yourself, was I focused on the task at hand or thinking about all the other things I had to do? You probably hyper-focused, dug in, and took care of business. During that moment, you were present in what you were doing. When we’re stressing, it’s usually because we’re thinking about the future, and we start to get overwhelmed if there’s a list ten-feet tall that you want to accomplish. Put a dead line on it, and panic mode kicks in.

With that in mind, yes, staying present is the first tip, but I know what you’re saying… “It’s easier said than done.” You’re right. It will take practice, which is why I’m going to give you a couple more actionable tips to help you while you’re working on that staying present thing. Ebb and Flow won’t happen overnight, but the more times you become aware of it and direct your mind back to the moment, the easier it will become.

3 Tips to Help You Get in the Ebb and Flow

  1. Multi-tasking slows your production down. I know that you think you can do it all, and keep up, but committing to doing one thing really well at a time, rather than half-way, you’ll find your flow. It will be easier, you’ll do a better job at it, and your mind will be clearer. In fact, Business News Daily reminds that multi-tasking makes you less efficient, and you’ll be more prone to make mistakes.

  2. Allow for flexibility. If you remain stiff in your sense of control, it leaves you frustrated when something comes up or changes. Allow that flexibility will lower your stress, because you’re willing to adapt to the new circumstance that has arisen. Be compassionate with both yourself and those you are working with and understand that sometimes bending is the right path.

  3. Choose things that make you feel good, feel important, or will move you forward in a positive way whether it’s toward a personal goal, career goal, or a family goal. When you care about what you’re doing, you’ll make it a priority, and will more likely go into ebb and flow state.

Fun ways to get into ebb and flow with your children:

  • Do something creative together like crafting, go on a scavenger hunt, or go hiking and collect leaves, pine cones, or seashells to make a project when you get home.

  • Pick a project you’ll both enjoy like making a recipe together whether it’s for a sweet treat or a favorite meal. Pick out the recipe together so you’re both excited.

  • Learn something together in a new way, like going to a museum or special weekend class.

3 Habits to Isolate and Kick Them to the Curb

  1. Taking on too many things. Are you guilty of saying ‘yes’ before stopping to think about the extra workload it will add to your week, month, or year? Sometimes it’s wanting to help, other times you want to do the thing, but let’s be honest, there are people pleasers out there that say yes for all the wrong reasons. You say yes, then you resent that you took on the extra task. Get clear on if it’s something you’re choosing to do because you want to, or did you feel obligated? It’s okay to say no.

  2. Creating issues where there are none. What? Here’s an example from Very Well Mind, “…a significant proportion of stress can be attributed to our perceptions of events, and how we process what we’re experiencing.” That stress is going to yank you out of your flow faster than your head can spin. Stop overthinking and creating an issue where there may be none. Shift your perspective, if you find yourself playing the “what if?” game in a way that isn’t productive.

  3. If you don’t feel so great about the outcome of something, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it. Look, it’s easy to feel like you need to do it all, but when you have those inklings inside, it’s your intuition speaking to you. Kick the need to do things when they don’t feel good to the curb. Focus on things where you value the outcome. This will help you get in and stay in the flow of what you’re doing.

Consider Your Work and Life Balance

Do you have trouble leaving work at work? Setting up clear boundaries is a great way to stay focused on the task at hand. At work, focus on work. At home, it’s time to focus on yourself and your family. Without clear boundaries, work stress bleeds into your homelife, and this will immediately pull you out of your flow state when you’re trying to accomplish something at home.

Define what success means to you. Are you in a job that fills your time and pays your bills, or a career you hope to grow? Either one is worthy to what you’re doing, but by knowing what your goals are, you’re able to redirect your energy to the most important aspects of your work.

If you’re growing a career, consider what steps you can take that will advance your career. Once those steps are defined, focus on those strategies and let the things go that won’t help you reach those goals. Cut the dead weight and stop juggling every single detail that simply doesn’t move the needle forward. If it’s simply a job that helps pay bills, and you don’t have the push to move forward, see if there’s a way that you can start a routine that quiets your work mind before getting back home. Leave work at work.

One last word. Perfectionism. Let it go. It serves nobody.

Psychology Today says, “Perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and others. They are quick to find fault and overly critical of mistakes.” Note the word unrealistic. It’s not healthy. It’s time to kick this to the curb, because it doesn’t help you or those around you. And it’s a big hurdle that will stop you from enjoying the zone where you’re blissfully doing what’s in front of you without your mind constantly interrupting you with every other detail under the sun.

Good news, being in a flow state brings about happiness and a sense of fulfillment. If you’d like to learn more, psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi speaks on flow with a Ted talk.

If you need help putting this all together and building your self-awareness I'm a free spirited mama that helps moms honor their truth and personal path to lasting confidence and success in more that motherhood but in life. Contact me for a free call!!!


About the Author

Kelly Hater, owner of Mama Bear Domain, has over 15 years of coaching experience along with a B.S. in Health Promotion specialized in Exercise Science.

She specializes in helping clients overcome mom burnout, providing a clear, decisive plan that leads her clients on a path of success. Her clients no longer let mom guilt steal their identity and goals. Moms deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life. She personally has overcome overwhelming struggles herself. Get the accountability needed to take action. As a mom of two she gets it. Get your E-Book Mom, Open Your Eyes to Self-Awareness.

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