Here it goes… I can’t believe I’m going to be telling the world this. I hope it helps at least one person dealing with depression.
Walking into the doctor at my 6 weeks postpartum appointment, I didn’t know if I was going to say anything about my depression. I felt ashamed, defeated, embarrassed, depressed… all I wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and cry.
Sadly many moms can relate. I should feel happy? I have this bundle of joy… my baby is healthy… yet I just cry. It is just postpartum blues… I tell myself. Then all of a sudden… I hate my life…. I want to be happy, what is wrong with me. I don’t want to feel like this… yet… the worst thoughts have not even came… and all of a sudden… “I want to hurt myself.”
That thought, what is wrong with me… this is NOT me! I love my family, I love my life. Why?
Walking into the doctor… I told her… AND I’m so thankful I did! I felt this weight lift off my shoulders, I got help. I got on meds… oh how they helped. Along with some education and awareness I wasn’t just going through the motions anymore. I was in the present moment.
You are not alone, reach out. I got amazing support from my doctors, my husband and my mom. I was going to survive this. I felt I went from kinda sad to severely depressed in a day. There was so many tears. I had even more people I could have reached out to if I needed more help. I got back to normal, I started laughing again, I was patient with my son again, I was able to smile at my daughter, I was a happy wife again, I enjoyed life again, etc.
My psychiatrist doesn’t just give me meds… she listens and educates me; therefore, I am going to be aware of depression in the future. I know I have a chance of having another episode. I have not gone to a psychologist yet… I have considered it. I have no regrets about my actions during the deep depression… from my psychiatrist she explained to me, if I had any regrets from any thoughts or actions during my depression then I would need to address them with a psychologist.
My Postpartum Depression was a text book case.
The other feelings I had other than my terrible thoughts were… severe anxiety, irritability, loss of appetite, excessive sleeping, sadness, mood swings, repeatedly going over thoughts, and isolation.
I could have faked the smile and kept feeling the way I did… but why? Why would I do that? If I can feel normal again why would I not pick that? I challenge you!!! If you feel like I did GET HELP. REACH OUT. YOU are worth it. You will be so thankful you did.
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In LOVE,
Mama Bear
