Updated: Jun 22
Feeling out of control? Overwhelmed? When did life get to be such a challenge? When it feels like you’re bombarded with responsibility, information overload, and people constantly wanting more of your time, it chips away at your psyche.
What can you do to handle the stress? How do you regain control? Or will we simply be singing “Let it Go” like Elsa from Frozen, hoping it’s enough?
First, take a deep breath. There are solutions, but it’s going to take a bit of understanding. We’re going to tackle this stress and help you finally find the sense of calm you’ve been desperate for.
The Circle of Control
Here, let me draw you a circle. Step inside. It’s your own private bubble oasis. It’s the one place where you have control.
Things you get to control:
How you treat others
There you go! Breathe in that control. Yeah. Your inner control-freak can revel in those details all they want. But outside of that circle, there are other things to consider. And here’s the tough part, you don’t get to control them. You might be concerned about something, or have the ability to influence it, but when it comes to controlling them, it’s out of your ballpark.
When looking at the choices you have in a given situation, you need to put it in perspective. You may have a thought or concern, maybe even a little influence given the circumstances, but outside of yourself it’s no longer in your scope of control.
What Can You Influence?
Let’s consider what you might have influence over. We’ll take baby steps. I know, I know. The idea of loosening your grip on control can feel overwhelming, maybe even a little scary, but I promise you that once you get used to the rules of the game, you’ll see that maybe that five letter word (stress) will start to fade.
Things you may have influence over:
You can offer input, but you can’t change how somebody feels, thinks, or acts
You can do your best on your portion of a project or job, but you can’t do other people’s parts
We can help others by building healthy relationships with them
In an authoritative position, we can offer leadership and hope it makes a difference
We can anticipate upcoming challenges and help prepare for them
We can help people clarify their ideas, concepts, so they can come to a conclusion that works for them
We can help. We cannot control.
Feel the weight starting to drop from your shoulders? It’s not your responsibility, and it’s not in your power to control others. We’re only responsible for our own actions, thoughts, and words. I know what you’re thinking… easier said than done. I get it. I understand that concept but stick with me and let’s dig a little deeper.
What Concerns You?
It’s okay to be concerned about something, but that doesn’t mean you can control it. In fact, you might not even have influence over it. Think about the news, about the pandemic, these are all things that are going on around us. We can be concerned, but we can’t control the narrative.
Let’s bring this closer to home. What are things around you that might concern you, but you don’t have control over? We’ll break this down further, so you can get a clearer picture.
Things that might concern you:
People not social distancing or wearing masks when they are out
Public spaces not openly stating how they’re keeping you safe
The opinions of those you don’t agree with
What your child’s school is doing or how it will handle details when it reopens
What traffic will be like during rush hour
The way strangers choose to act in stores
The way your neighbor decorates their home
What others think of you
Stop wasting your time and energy on things you have no control over. This is where your stress comes from. It’s not the things inside of you that you have control over, but the things that you truly don’t have a connection to.
We worry about so many things like news, weather, what people say, what they think, how they act, but all it does is chip away at you bit by bit—because you’re allowing it to.
What?! Did you just say, I’m allowing myself to be stressed out?
But, I have all these “things” I have to think about and do. I can’t simply stop…
Yeah, actually, you can.
Look, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. It’s about self-awareness.
The key to finding a healthier space is understanding there are some situations we can control, others we might be able to influence, and still others that concern us but we have no control over. Your time and energy can be better well spent on things within your scope.
Remember, those things you control are your attitude, your thoughts, your actions, your choice of words, and how you treat others. This is where to focus. This will allow you to let go of the build up of stress, once you recognize you’ve put wasted effort into things that are out of your control.
Is it really that easy?
It’s as easy as opening your eyes, educating yourself, and being self-aware.
Need another deep breath? I didn’t think so. See, it’s like a weight off your shoulders. There’s so much you can let go of, things you don’t have to focus on, because quite frankly as much as you worry it won’t change anything. Save that energy for something good, something healthy…you!
As Steven Covey says in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
“If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control - myself.”
What will you do? How will you work on yourself? In letting go of things we can’t control, we can then begin to focus on things that we can. Things that can help us find a well-balanced, happier life.
Are you ready for a change? A gentle bit of encouraged guidance? Let me help you move forward and show you how to drop the stress from your shoulders. You don’t have to stay in a state of overwhelm. There are solutions when you’re looking for answers. You aren’t alone. Moms all over the world are struggling from continual stress and what feels like unending responsibilities.
Let’s look at how you can regain your sense of control, so you can finally focus on the things that matter.
I’d love to help.
Remember, when it comes to those around you, each of us are living our own reality of what we feel, experience, and life as we know it. Knowing what you can control, influence, and what you need to move on from is the first step to taking back your sense of well-being.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kelly Hater has over 15 years of coaching experience along with a B.S. in Health Promotion specialized in Exercise Science.
She specializes in helping clients overcome mom burnout, providing a clear, decisive plan that leads her clients on a path of success. Her clients no longer let mom guilt steal their identity and goals. Moms deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life. She personally has overcome overwhelming struggles herself. Get the accountability needed to take action. As a mom of two she gets it! BOOK A FREE CALL