Mama Bear Domain Blogs are typically centered around the complexities of motherhood as a mom coach, but today I want to talk about dads in honor of Father’s Day. As I am not a dad, of course. However, I’m going to state the obvious here; moms cannot become a mom without the dad. It’s a fact. Like it or not dads are integral to being a mom. A dad’s role is very different and unique from a mother’s role, which is precisely why a woman cannot fulfill the role of both parents. More and more data is proving the importance of having at least one male father figure in your life. I’m blessed to have a handful of father figures in my life.
“What we become depends on what our father’s teach us.” — Umberto Eco
A father has a unique role. He provides a sense of security physically by providing the things his family needs to survive (food, clothing, shelter), thinking back to the hunter and gatherer era. Fathers give validation to the people in the family. His deep vocal tone and typically broad stature often pin him up as the authority in the home and therefore his approval is extraordinarily important. Young people will go to great lengths to seek approval from their father figures and often model their behaviors as a means to receive their approval. Modeling behavior is a natural way children learn. Children, especially boys, will act the way they see their father’s act because they view that as acceptable, successful behavior. So if they see their dad being goofy, kind, and athletic then they will want to emulate that behavior. On the flip side, if they see their dad act with rage or anger or violence, then they will imitate that time of behavior as well. Monkey see, monkey do.
“A father’s tears and fears are unseen, his love is unexpressed but his care and protection remains as a pillar of strength throughout our lives.” —Ama H. Vanniarachchy
Dad’s have a tough job no doubt. I feel as though there is a great deal of pressure and expectations that come with fatherhood. It’s similar to the pressure that comes with motherhood. Expectations, no matter who or where they come from, are suffocating. When I was searching for my perfect husband I had a whole bunch of expectations. My list of “must haves'' was fairly extensive.
Husband “Must Have” List:
Belief in God
Seeks out God’s will when decision making
Interest and ability to be physically fit
Values personal mental and physical health
Nice parents whom he loves and speaks with regularly
Knowledge about how to fix things in and around the house
Ambition to fix things in and around the house
Desire to be a dad
Backyard grilling skills
Good sense of humor
Desire and will to learn new things
Love his extended family (i.e. in-laws) like they were his own family
Independence from me
Rugged and outdoorsy - not afraid to get dirty
Power tools — oh and he probably should know how to use them and fix them
Seeks mentoring and counsel from others
Interest in my career goals and dreams
Ability and desire to help me keep a tidy, clean home
Good work ethic — doesn’t quit
Passion for intimacy
Belief that fidelity is sacred
Emotional balance — not quick to act out of his emotions
I think you get the idea. My expectations for my husband and the father of my children are pretty high. I try to hold myself to the same level of performance, but I’m not perfect. Eventually, someone along the way convinced me that a man who supports you as an individual and fills you with joy is husband and father material. I’m pleased to report that I never had to settle for just 80% of my “must haves” because Nate, my husband, checks 100% of my boxes. Nate brings things to our marriage and to me that I didn’t even know I needed or wanted. He is amazing. He brings out the best version of me. I trust him and he trusts me. He is joy filled. He is handsome. He is romantic (in his own unique and rugged way). He loves all of my imperfections. He is brutally honest and passionately devoted. He exceeds any and all expectations I have for him. Frankly, I’m not quite sure how he performs so highly everyday. I’m sure it’s exhausting. I’m sure I could stand to have a few less expectations of him because I know that he already has high expectations for himself. He puts a lot of pressure on himself to be the spouse I need as a #mompreneur and mom coach. To my husband on father’s day, the perfect dad with two perfect children, the skilled nurse anesthetist, the respectful son, a supportive brother.
“A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way.” — Unknown
Honey, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are my rock. We all think you are pretty great. You did it. You have two beautiful children who love you. You have a successful career. You are a role model to not just your own children, but to all the young people lucky enough to interact with you. You protect us and keep us safe. You are a kind person. You are generous with your talents and with your resources. You are the one that brings out all the giggles. You are an amazing dad. Happy Father’s Day to my husband!
Happy husband quotes to help celebrate Father’s Day
“The heart of a father is a masterpiece of nature.” —Antoine François Prévost
“To be the father of a nation is a great honor, but to be the father of a family is a greater joy.”— Nelson Mandela
“A good father is one of the most unsung, upraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.” — Billy Graham
“I realized being a father is the greatest job I have ever had and the greatest job I will ever have.” —Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
“There should be a children’s song: “If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.” — Jim Gaffigan
“Being a daddy’s girl is like having permanent armor for the rest of your life.” — Mariners Reka
“A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men.” — Gregory E. Lang
“What we become depends on what our father’s teach us.” — Umberto Eco
Father’s Day always opens my emotional flood gates as many know my father committed suicide years ago. There is a big empty space in my heart that was meant to be filled by my dad. I miss him, everyday. My dad was most definitely a mentor to me. He carried the burden of all the expectations and pressure that comes with fatherhood. He would be so proud of the mother I’ve become, the battles I’ve overcome and the life I’ve built with my handsome husband and beautiful children. Cheers dad and Happy Father’s Day in heaven! I know you're watching over us and keeping us safe. I have a guardian angel and I call him dad!
About the Author
Kelly Hater, owner of Mama Bear Domain, has over 15 years of coaching experience along with a B.S. in Health Promotion specialized in Exercise Science.
She specializes in helping clients overcome mom burnout, providing a clear, decisive plan that leads her clients on a path of success. Her clients no longer let mom guilt steal their identity and goals. Moms deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life. She personally has overcome overwhelming struggles herself. Get the accountability needed to take action. As a mom of two she gets it. Join NOW "The Mom Coach - On Demand" for the proven program to "stop existing, start living."
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